Feel like I slipped backwards again, I know I need to get healthy and take care of myself but it feels so hard to keep it up.  I’ve been bad this week and just generally feeling blah.  Spent the weekend with my baby and that does help, I need to keep focusing on what makes me happy.  Last night was the first time Zap and I gamed in months, i’ve been letting a lot slide and now i’m trying and forcing myself to do what I enjoy.

I was so excited that I was up to 30 minutes a night and now I’m back to the starting line… So my question would be with the baby, work and feeling down how can I keep up a good routine?  I felt better when I was working out but so much seems to get in the way, I feel exhausted after work.  I guess I just need to force it for awhile.  I know it will get easier, I just get so discouraged easier now.

I’m making an effort in doing things again that make me happy and trying to keep new and positive things around me.  Trying new things and not letting life pass me by.  I just some steps are smaller then others but I have to say it felt great gaming again, and with the weather changing I’m not trapped inside so I went out and got a little sun this weekend too.  Maybe it wasn’t such a bad week.. It’s not just working out I need, I know it’s a huge part but I need to be happy again too..

So this would be a different step but I promise to work out again, and take care of my health .. I hate taking steps backwards, and felt like I was disappointing people, I’ve been a little paranoid lately that I disappoint people easily.  It’s just the depression trying to take hold.

So I will see how this week goes and stay strong, and remember there is so much to life that I can’t just sit around felling sorry for myself.  I know it was big blow with loosing mom but she wouldn’t want me doing that, and she was a gamer too and would want me to kill on!


2 thoughts on “Trying”

  1. I can relate to alot of what you say. It’s a tough one. All I can say is take it one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need to. I often feel that I struggle to do the things i enjoy. It’s a pain in the bum. So frustrating. Some days all I can do is sleep. Then of course I feel a failure because I haven’t done anything. I guess we have to do the small things and try and take some happyness in them, even if it is just hoovering the sitting room or doing the dishes. Or just spending time with the baby, that is definatly time well spent 🙂

  2. I don’t like to think of it as moving backwards. I like to think of it as staying still. Each day you have to try to move one step forward in anything you want to accomplish. As long as you do so you can that you have accomplished a step forward. You don’t want to stand still.

    Depression sucks. Do everything you can to keep that beast at bay 🙂

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